Coming Out of Hiding
19:19 Jan 15 2007
Times Read: 687
Six years ago I made some changes in my life that caused more than a fair share of heartache for my immediate family. My decision was well thought out and not done in a spur of the moment manner. I asked for a divorce from a closed minded man, who no matter what the situation was, he had a standard reply of *It's all my fault, I have brain damage*.
A little history here; we had been married for 14 years and been through more shit than any mortal person should have to deal with. The final blow was an auto accident he was in that put him in intensive care and then neuro rehab to get his life back in order. *BTW: I just recently found out he has been telling everyone who will listen that I planned the accident and staged the other vehicle involved so he would either be killed or severely handicapped.* YEAH RIGHT!!! (everyone is at fault for everything that goes wrong in his life except for him) So the brain damage comment did have merit...at one point. After the accident, we went through ALL the surgeries, all the therapies, all the doctors, everything that was needed. And I was right there with him with no thoughts of leaving him.
After the doctors completely released him and told him he could go back to his normal life, he fell into what I felt was self pity and no matter what was said or done he couldn't or wouldn't take responsibility for his actions, hence the brain damage excuse. We rode this roller coaster for over a year and when it got to be more than I could handle, I asked him to leave the apartment we were living in and asked him for a divorce.
Now here is a twist to the whole thing. A friend of ours asked the ex if he could stay in our house for a while after he left his wife...and the ex agreed. When I asked the ex to move out I didn't ask the friend, mistake number one according to my family. I was an emotional basket case and the friend turned out to be the ONE person who would talk to me and not judge me for my decisions.
In the weeks and months that followed so many changes took place in my life and the friend became more than just a friend. He became my sole support when my mother had a stroke. He took time off from his employment to drive me to the city she lived in and stayed with me the entire week, helping me make any decisions that needed to be made. Long story short...we spent ALOT of time talking and realized we wanted to be more than friends. This was mistake number two according to my family and friends.
Seems even those who absolutely hated the ex while we were together, and kept telling me I should dump him, decided he was the victim. I later found out he had told everyone who would listen that I had been having an affair with the friend for quite some time. WRONG!! But no matter what I did or said, I was the one who was wrong. Oh well...been there, done that many times before.
All of the reasons for leaving him I mostly kept to myself, and didn't share with any of my family or friends. And that was mistake number three. Because he went to everyone and told them the fantasy he had come up with. When I finally came out of my depression, my explanations to those who I thought were friends fell short.
I moved twice, changed my phone number numerous times, and even changed my place of employment in order to keep the ex from harrassing me. It felt like he was stalking me...he would call my work, drive by my home, throw rocks at my glass patio door, he even took my car from my parking space at home and then abandoned it in a bad area of town. The final straw was when his girlfriend at the time (I still say it was him, but he had convinced my son it wasn't) called my place of employment and got me fired. When this happened I called my rock and we made the choice to leave everything I was familiar with and comfortable with and moved almost 3000 miles from the only home I had ever known.
I basically crawled into a hole and have been hiding for the past six years because I didn't want him to know anything about me, where I lived, worked, or how to contact me. I was tired of all the lies he told about me and all the problems he delighted in causing for me. Well, guess what? All the effort he put into creating a wall between my children and me was for nothing in the end.
We have moved again, but this time we are living with my son and his family...and we are an hour away from the daughter I thought I would never be able to talk to again. I am rebuilding everything that was torn apart six years ago and I am NO longer in hiding. I don't care if he knows where I am or how to contact me. I don't care what he says to my children, they ask me for my side before anything is decided.
I have a full and happy life and I am looking forward to the future...and I can't wait to see what tomorrow brings.
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